Clearing something up

(this is rather long. but to understand, you'll have to read it all)

I got a disturbing (well, to me it is!) comment today. I was accused of trying to be "non-mainstream".

I just want everyone to know, I don't try to not be anything. And on that same note, I don't try to be anything. I am who I am. I'm not even sure I fit a stereotype anymore. I call myself Goth, because that's the subculture I identify with most. Yes, I wear black lipstick, dress in black, listen to Goth music, love vampires, etc, etc. But I'm more than that. If I were to have a label, I think it should be: Hippie in black lipstick. Yeah, kinda a contradiction, but that's me. I've tried to be "mainstream" but it didn't really work out. I'm not gonna sit around and pretend that I like polo shirts, pink, rap music, Zac Efron, etc, like all of the "mainstream" girls at my school. It's not me. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be Wednesday Adams. I'd rip off the heads of my barbies, and carry them around. Then my mom would throw them away because she got tired of explaining why they were headless to strangers at the store. In elementry school, I hung out with the popular girls. I did what they wanted. Wore what they said to. I even tried to hide the fact that my "designer" clothes were just look alikes from Walmart, Good Will, and garage sales. By middle school, I was tired of getting stabbed in the back. I was tired of being ordered around. I just wanted to be me. I ended up being something between Goth, Punk, and skater chic. A friend of mine once said this to me: "You act like a Goth, and you dress like a Punk." So my best friend began calling me Punk-Goth. And I stayed that way straight up through my Freshman year of Highschool. Now I'm a Junior. I don't really feel like I'm Punk-Goth anymore, though I still listen to "Punk" music, like Avril, Green Day, Simple Plan, and Good Charlotte. But I definatley feel more Goth. I've always adored steel-boned corsets. You know, those ones that actually make your waist super tiny. And I'm finally allowed to get one. I'm also really into black and red lace. I'd love to tote around a black lace parasol. But I can't really find one. I occasionally wear pink. I like to watch chic flicks, like Tristan and Isolde. I have the mandatory crush on Johnny Depp (I just bought a copy of Cry Baby last night!!!! *squeals* I haven't seen it in forever). But, I adore vampires, have this weird obssesion with death, practice a form of Wicca, am in the process of going Vegan, am an animal activist, and a self appointed "eco-girl". I'm also incredibly smart (I'm taking advanced classes), dream of getting into Harvard, and I want to be a Historian, whose specialty is in Ancient Greece, and also the Celts. Go figure. I'm just me. I've been just about every "label" there is. Now I'm probably a mix of them all, even a little prep. But guess what? I'm not trying to be. I just am. I'm just me. I've been called a poseur by just about everyone at one point or another, even by the people wearing a fashion trend I started. But I don't mind. In ten years they'll regret following all the fashion trends in the magazines religiously. They'll regret listening to music that they didn't like because it was "cool". But I won't. Because I haven't done that. I'm watching as my sister does, but I refuse to. My dad says that's how me and my sister are different: I'm a leader, she's a follower. I guess that's true to a point. She could be a leader if she wanted to. But she doesn't. She thinks if she doesn't she wont fit in. that she won't have any friends. But that's not true. I might not become Homecoming Queen, or Prom Queen, but I have tons of friends. I'm friends with preps, cheerleaders, jocks, geeks, "gangsters", the cool girls, emos, punks, skaters, scene kids, etc.

so yeah, I'm not mainstream. Not in the least. I wish I was. Trust me. It would be the coolest thing ever! If everyone was suddenly Vegan, wore black lipstick, and had my beliefs, as well as my clothing style, I'd love it. But sadly, that's not the way it is. I am what I am. I'll never change that. Maybe I won't be Goth my whole life. But I'll be okay with that too. I wear and listen to what I like. Take the classes that interest me. Hang with who I like to be around. And mostly just follow my heart.

The previous post was not me trying to show how "non-mainstream" I am. It was just me venting. I, along with all of my friends, found it unthinkable that the prep in question would say that I didn't think for myself. Mostly because he and I used to be friends. We used to laugh at people who dress and act the way he does. I DO NOT think all preps are like that. Nor do I think all preps are bad. Real preps are great! I'm friends with several of them. My best friend since the 1st grade is currently a prep. my own sister is a prep, though not really a genuine one. she, along with the boy who inspired me to write the previous post, are what I consider wannabe-preps. They want to be the stereotype, which, in my town, includes being a jerk to anyone who doesn't dress, act, and believe everything you do. Sad, but true.

So if anyone else thinks I'm trying to be "non-mainstream" I'm sorry. I don't know how else to prove I'm not. Words in a blog are a crummy way to prove anything, but it's about all I've got. And I'm also not bashing the person who gave me the comment I mentioned in the first paragraph. I just wanted to address this. Hope ya'll having a good end of summer/new school year!