venting

I’m not even sure if this is my life anymore. I have no control what so ever in it. I only have the power to watch my world fall apart. The very ground beneath my feet is falling in! All communication has failed. My own relationship makes no sense. I have no idea why my boyfriend is even dating me. I don’t know what he’s getting out of this relationship. Even if it was just for sex it wouldn’t make sense, he has beautiful girls falling all over him wherever he goes! And I’m not even good looking. I’m fat, ugly, and acne ridden. So what the fuck??? He’s never held my hand. Never kissed me. Never hugged me. Yet he tells his family I’m his girlfriend. I’ve no idea if he’s told his friends I’m dating him. I wouldn’t if I was him. But on the other hand, he’s already told his “son” about me, then he told me I’m the mother! He beats the crap out of my sisters boyfriend for accidentally kicking me. And when this boy got accused of making a move on me, the poor kid got spazzed on by my boyfriend! I feel like we’re just going through the motion. That “girlfriend” is just a meaningless title. But what do I do? I care more about this guy than almost any other guy I’ve gone out with before. I don’t want to loose him. But I have this sick feeling in my stomach because I think my sister and her boyfriend (who’s best friend with mine) forced my boyfriend into this. Yes, I said it. I think my boyfriend didn’t get a choice in dating me! On top of all this, my parents’ marriage problems are getting blamed on the poor guy, so I’m pretty sure he’s not allowed over anymore. And now he’s grounded. I’m not even sure if he has my phone number because he’s at my house so much usually I’ve never had to call him! The amount of chaos that can happen in one day is fucking insane!